Tuesday, 27 January 2015

A drunken story

Last Friday (23rd) we found ourselves in the usual scenario of being in the pub, drinking and exchanging jokes at eachothers expense. I was drinking beer at a slow pace as I was hoping to be in the pub for a good few hours and didn't want to peak too early. However, some of the group were planning on going clubbing later in the evening. They tried to persuade me to come but after my first week back at uni I just wanted a chilled out drinking session.

Who was going and who was not was pretty much decided. All apart from one individual, Aaron. Now Aaron originally said no to this and was drinking his double-vodka lemonades at a comfortable pace for the same reasons as I was. But after an hour of chatting and contemplating, Aaron thus decided that clubbing would be a good idea and decided to go. However, there was a problem. When Aaron goes clubbing he can't just be tipsy or even drunk. He has to be absolutely obliterated, so that any hint of self-regard/ safety are long gone. He was though at this point in the night barely fuzzy from what he had consumed and with there being only an hour and a half left till departure, he had to speed up his intake of alcohol. What wasn't expected was the sheer rise in speed of consumption. Originally he was buying one drink to last about half an hour. Now he was buying two at a time to last for 15 minutes before getting another 2. So by the time it came to his leaving he was pretty much seeing double of everything and his eyes glazed over with what I can only imagine being vodka, as I doubt there was any room left for it to go within his body. But either way, he felt he had succeeded in getting him to the state he felt was acceptable to go clubbing and they departed.

3 hours later.

I returned from the pub with some grub and set about eating it whilst drinking some water so that the hangover the next day could be tamed a little. After this was finished I decided to head to bed at around 2am.

Then it all kicked off.

I heard what can only be described as a mixture of a heavy metal scream and the sound of a gag. Yet though this surprised me at first, I immediately knew who was the culprit and decided to investigate. I got to the bathroom on the first floor and found it locked so with a little pick locking, I opened it. What I saw was a hairy blob on the floor with its head buried in the toilet bowl vomiting furiously.
Aaron loves a good flirt
'Mate, you alright?'
The reply was just a desperate 'uh huh'.
So I tapped him on the back and left to go back to bed.
What followed was enormous banging coming from the same bathroom Aaron was in. I decided to just leave him to do what he wants but was told the following morning through another source what was actually happening.

Aaron had decided to take a shower but somehow was struggling to close the shower door, even though there is no lock of any kind and just needs to be pulled towards him to close it. So all
I can imagine is that he was pulling it so furiously that it was bouncing back out the hinge, making him think something was wrong. A very surprised Abbie was then the unfortunate person to open the bathroom door to see him now naked and very confused to why the shower door wasn't closing and wasn't even switching on. He hadn't switched on the correct switch and just stood there in bewilderment. Abbie then helped him switch on the shower and left him. She returned 20 minutes later to find him naked and sleeping on the floor of the bathroom in the pitch black.

Adding to supplies
Next morning.

Myself and Billy first met him on the sofa looking pretty awful and asked him what happened and what time he got back. He didn't know and had no recollection of what had happened the night before and that someone apart from his mother had now seen him naked. So Billy and I decided to see what state his room was in.

Firstly there was sick on his bed and his bin had a lovely puddle of the previous nights dinner and vodka. However the most shocking element was walking into his room. I was wearing slippers, Billy was not and he quickly commented on how the majority of the carpet was soaking wet.
'Maybe its water?' Billy asked in hoping that I would agree.
'Maybe it's not?' I replied starting to giggle. Billy on the other hand, did not find it very amusing.
So to clarify we asked Aaron what the substance on his floor was and it was indeed urine. However, the smell, according to Aaron did not occur until the Monday after and he has informed me that it still lingers.

He did attempt to clean up mind you. He used Billy's flannel which he claims, 'no one used'. He has now promised to purchase a new one for Billy who is distraught that one of his Christmas presents has been used to soak up urine.

This story is pretty tame in comparison to others but I thought I better start light and build up to the really ridiculous events that have happened.

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