Feedback; the hate-filled necessity

I understand that nothing is perfect. 

I also understand that the only way of improving as a writer is through trial and error, failure and most importantly, receiving, appreciating and digesting constructive criticism. 

However, after getting feedback on a piece of university coursework this week, specifically a screenwriting treatment, I find myself feeling frustrated and slightly deflated at being awarded a lower mark than I expected.

What I got was a low 2:1 grade and though I appreciate that in hindsight this is a good mark, I still feel extremely frustrated that something I put everything into, and felt very proud of, was put down.

Never do I submit a piece of work, whether it be university work or not, without being absolutely sure that it is my absolute best. This means that every time I click the liberating but terrifying 'submit' icon, I feel quietly confident that a good mark is to be given back in return for my hard work. 

What I am beginning to find, however, is that the more serious I become about being a writer, the harder I am finding it to take criticism without feeling that it is personal. This is regardless of the fact that A- I find it easy to give feedback to others without it feeling like I am being personal, and B- understanding that never a piece of work, especially creative, is perfect and not in need of improvement. 

Yet as I write this and read over the comments that blights my work, I read each syllable as a dig at my creativity and skill level. 

I almost feel like saying, 'How dare you write this? I wrote it. I created it and to me it is worthy of praise and nothing else'. I feel like an overprotective father defending his child despite knowing that they most probably did do something wrong.

Please don't think for one instance think that I am being big headed as I'm really, really not. I am my own biggest critic and there have been many times I have written, re-written and eventually destroyed my own work out of self-hatred. Many evenings have been spent self-imploding after re-reading my work and coming to the rather abrupt conclusion that I am not to write Shakespeare in one sitting. 

It's a vile and common experience which I am starting to ride rather than fight.

I want to write and be immensely proud of what I have done and scream out my genius to the world.

And I guess this is why this feedback hurts a lot. 

It took me night after night to eventually come up with the plotline and characters that I submitted. And for someone to come along and question the 'world' that I created feels incredibly hard to take.

What I want to know is whether there are tips for taking feedback? Usually, like I said, I am very good at taking it and very thankful to those who give it to me. But on the occasion that you get comments you don't agree with, do you stay stubborn in your own belief that the comments are wrong or do you open the door to their comments and reluctantly allow them to alter your work?

To be honest, I already know the answer but I felt a blog post was the only sort of 'therapy' I had to subsidise the heart-aching reading of the 'feedback'.

Paris attacks; a considered viewpoint

I have wanted to do a post about the awful, shocking and heartbreaking events that occurred in Paris for a little while now. But to be honest, I felt no right to comment on it when it was still so raw to so many.

Why?

Well I guess people say the wrong things when they are angry or upset and I wanted to take it in fully before publishing an opinion on the matter. With subjects such as these, you have to be so wary of others viewpoints and have to, regrettably, respect them. To simply state that we should 'pray for Paris' the day or week after because it is 'just the right thing to do' is both pointless and relatively soft if it lacks any real meaning. We are all human beings after all and we all wish that the events on Friday the 13th had never happened. At least have a bit of substance behind what you say.

I will though admit to changing my profile picture so that it had the French flag on it, a trend that exploded on Facebook after the events. This was simply because of how much I loved the use of it as a symbol. How the flag of a nation ravaged by now two attacks from Islamist ignorance was transformed into a global symbol of hope, resistance and defiance against hatred, bitterness and evil in its purest form. And the way La Marseillaise was the track to this symbol was simply sublime.

I do, however, think we are so obsessed with voicing out our anger and frustration immediately after tragedies that we forget about what we are saying. That naively and subconsciously we use language in a way that to some might seem passionate and motivational but really is just desperate and in some ways worthless.

Now some of you will be thinking 'ahh here we go, English student telling us how to speak properly' and I would totally think the same if I were you.

Sydney Opera House emblazoned with the French Flag

But after reading many posts, articles and columns across the internet in the initial aftermath of the Paris attacks, they all seemed to be hate-filled and fear-fueling.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is exactly the intention of the bastards who think it is appropriate to kill and slaughter in the name of religion. A religion that is followed by many lovely, friendly and wonderful people that I have had the pleasure in meeting.

I cannot be arsed to try and argue why Islam is not a bad religion and why muslims are normal thinking individuals. Mainly because those who will agree with me would already have known this and secondly, and more importantly, that you cannot educate the ignorant by shouting words at them.

Those who hate muslims or are considered to be 'islamophobic' are simply the victims of incomprehension and not had the opportunity to become friends or at least associates with a follower of Islam. It is only then that they will realise that they are exactly the same people as christians, sikhs, hindus, buddhists, atheists etc. All that is different is that they believe in a different god and different ideology. They still wish to say hello and have a chat, crack a joke or be happy. Funnily enough I have not sat down with a muslim and had them shout at me the ins-and-outs of sharia law and why I should hala meat. I'm sure there are those who do do this but I also have atheists who tell me I shouldn't drink and should lose weight. What's the difference?

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we should acknowledge that things are far from perfect but it's like that all over the world. Drought and famine ravages some countries. Disease plagues others. The western world's cancer is extremism.

What we can't do is add stupidity and disgust against individuals. We have more control than those born into poverty and disease. Let us, at least, consider what we say before we say it and try to educate the ignorant before we implode against each other.