The bleak outlook of post-uni; a contradiction of a previous post.

I'm going to be honest with you, my previous blog post about being excited about leaving uni might have been a little too soon. As I approach the final few weeks of university I begin to feel an odd sense of being completely lost.

That when the curtain falls on three years of life dedicated to studying I will be placed in the raw, unforgiving terrain of reality. 

It feels as if university has been the safety net for me for the last five years of my life and that when that goes, even though  I will have a degree printed onto my CV, it will be just a few words expressing that I am educated in the subject of English. That really, I will be put into a world that I have quite a lack understanding of.

Why such a bleak outlook?

Well I've always felt quite confident that once university finishes I will have a job, a career, a direction. Yet I type this after months of job applications and still nothing has come my way and I'm about to be placed in a situation that I hate. 

A situation which lacks security, both financially and metaphorically. 

I'm not saying that money is why I'm typing this but I've always prided myself of being rather good with money and that no matter the situation I will have some sort of fund to fall back on.

And though I still have some sort of cushion, I'm horrified at the thought I'm having to look for money as if it were water in a desert. 

There's a common feeling amongst students that money is there and that it's a precious 'thing', like a living being that if you use it too much you will be guilty of murder and well and truly fucked. 

Now before people get all judgemental and say 'Matt, there's jobs out there' or 'you're not the first person to face failure or search for a job' or the really irritating one 'just do what you want, man. Be happy and live', consider this. 

You've been a student for three, maybe four years. You have friends back home who have solid jobs. They can afford rent without the needing of a student loan. They know that if a laptop breaks, a shoe gets a hole in it or even they have a week they can do something to sort it out. You, the student finishing uni, however, don't have that ability. No, you might have to simply go without a computer. You will just have to endure soggy feet. You might, even after a horrific week, might not be able to have a pint to drown the sorrows. 

For me money is a terrifying prospect. 

I cannot stand the thought that there is no line between how much is enough to live on comfortably or not. That from now on there is a constant struggle to get more money or outdo yourself. 

Like, how much should I be earning once I find a job?

I have friends saying that £20,000 per year is not enough for a uni graduate. On the other hand I have friends who have worked their arses off for 3 years just to get to that salary. I have friends who have jobs lined up paying £30,000 and I have friends who know they will have something to fall back on if all else fails. 

Me?

Well I don't really know. I've applied for at least 20 jobs in the last few months, all graduate roles and more will be applied for in the coming weeks. How many have I heard back from? Approximately 4, maybe 5 because for some reason it's OK for employers to not let you know if you've been unsuccessful. I'm lingering in some sort of balancing act, not being sure whether to jump onto one oppurtunity or wait for something better. At the moment I'm just taking up every chance I can get. 

At the moment though, there is a vile feeling that come mid-summer I could be still searching for a job, still questioning whether I really know what I'm doing.

Maybe it's arrogance that I'm demanding a job that I actually want and requires something from my degree. Or maybe it's the student's right to be that stubborn. A student who's worked hard for the job he/she desires, or at least a position that leads to that.