Tuesday, 15 December 2015

My 21st: A collection of others memories

21, or 20+1 if you are part of some university societies which prohibit the full term of 21, is a birthday that is awaited with anticipation, excitement and my case dread.

It is the last hoorah before becoming an 'official' adult and is usually treated like the last attempt to get the individual in question as drunk as possible before they become old and mature.

16 is the first birthday that is met with some sort of hype but usually is just a pizza with friends.

18 is the first formal introduction to alcohol and is celebrated with a fair amount of alcohol and usually jager bombs.

21, however, is treated like a punishment, usually induced with whatever the most mind-numbing liquid is available at the location. It is for everyone, apart from the birthday boy/girl, an incredible night. A test of the human endurance. A viewing of how a person can breakdown in a mess of their own insides and how their mind can come out with their dinner after the 8th tequila shot.

This, apparently, is my story.

Note: from henceforth, all the following stories are from what I have been told by those who were present. My mind ceases to remember any events from that fateful night.

7pm: I was sat down on the sofa of my living room at uni by two fellow occupants of the same house; they shan't be regarded as friends anymore but enemies. Looking around at my dirty and frankly vile living room, they both entered with two 1.5 litre bottles of lambrini. Each bottle was then taped to my hands and they said I had 1 hour two consume both bottles. Every minute I am late would result in a shot of vodka. I accepted this fate, not that I had much choice, and began to chug the yellowy greeny piss coloured liquid to much dissatisfaction. Apparently I was quoted in saying that lambrini has a 'flavour that expresses the chav, yet isn't quite acceptable for a student; a Jeremy Kyle beverage'. Unfortunately I was incapable of consuming both within the hour and rather embarrassingly only finished off 1 and half litres of the stuff. As a forfeit I thus had 2 shots of vodka and then left for the pub.

8pm: A pint was bought for me. We sat down and consumed our drinks casually and respectfully.

8:15pm: Another pint was bought for me. It is placed next to my current beverage and due to the 'double parking' rule I am forced to consume one in full.

8:30: Another pint was bought for me and thus the same consumption happened again.

9pm: Once again another pint was bought but fortunately not much was left of the previous. The half emptied glass was finished off. I was then told to make my way to the bar for something called a 'Party Auschwitz', a grossly inappropriate name but somehow is justifiable in its definition.

*Party Auschwitz: One gas chamber and one liquid cocaine.
*Gas chamber: one flaming sambuca shot and the inhaling of the gas which is subsequently captured for your consumption.
*Liquid Cocaine: a shot of unknown and mysterious mixture of spirits to which has to be consumed. Straight after, a line of this liquid then has to be snorted via the nasal cavity.

9:30pm: Another pint and two shots of tequila. One shot was a 'suicide shot'.
*Suicide shot: Snort a line of salt. Neck the tequila. Squeeze lemon juice onto ones eyeball.

Note: I was quoted in saying after the suicide shot 'I feel like Stevie Wonder'. A disgusting and vile phrase to which I feel very embarrassed for saying.

According to my friends my 'banter was flowing after a few bevs'.

9:30- 10:30: Pints are necked and shots are consumed.

11pm: Another house occupant, again not to be regarded as friend anymore, went to the bar and purchased me two shots of 'the strongest shot they had'. Both shots were indeed swallowed and things then went bad.

Grabbing an empty pint glass I then proceeded to fill it with my dinner from 4 hours prior. A second, third and fourth pint glass was also filled, making sure to place the pint glasses on the floor as I grabbed a fresh one. On the fifth glass I filled it and to the mispleasure of everyone, dropped it. An array of food and alcohol scattered across the floor to which I apparently then added to from my own mouth. An applause was given and a few 'for fu**' sake Matt'.

11:15pm: Asleep on my rather irritated girlfriends shoulder.

11:30pm: I state to my other half that I want to go home. She agrees that it is appropriate for me to get some rest.

11:30pm- 12am: My girlfriend carries me home to which I apparently injured her back with my slightly generous size. Out of her pain she asked if we could rest to which I denied and out of her anger let go of me to which resulted in me falling into a flower bed to which I checked the next day to make sure it wasn't too badly violate. It wasn't that bad. I, and this what I am told from my girlfriend, then barked at a couple's dog to which the dog did not bark back but I did recieve a funny glare from them.

12:05am: I am undressed, put into bed and fall into a deep and unwakeable sleep.

All in all I'd say it was a successful 21st birthday.

*To anyone who might be reading this who I should highly respect or be wary of their opinions on me, it won't happen again. At least not wantingly.

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